After researching reports for reassurances of reachability, the ragtags relentlessly readied their rapiers for the riffraff. The rough-riders raced into the riotous romper room of righting wrongs and rambunctiously rallied for the raucous retirement of KJ toward rehabilitation. After relishing in the revelation of rewards and riches, the raid roared and wrecked then relegated themselves to some rare required respite and recuperation. Rightfully, this rhyming repartee lacks rapier relevance and reeks of rambling, ranting, and raving; but the reasonable remedy of redrafting rivals ridiculousness. yes, the letter R is in honor of Renaissance.

Thanks to all the members for their hard work, thanks to the leaders for their patience and insight, and thanks to the kitten for allowing us to poon.

Summary of TBC:
*Danny and Miss Danna got married (not in Naxx).
*Blizzard will include the pictionary boss in WotLK.
*We await the quest Claws from the Deep III: Gobbler’s Daddy’s Girlfriend’s Husband’s Cousin’s Former Roommate’s Dog’s Cat’s Former Owner’s Grandfather in WotLK as well.
*Renaissance Doggy Day has been replaced by Renaissance Pooning Kitten Day.

Blizzard thinks they’re all clever, putting movie references everywhere and thinking we’ll miss the subtler ones. You’re like what? I’m like don’t worry kharmander got your back. Here’s we go.

Kim Basinger Plays Elizabeth or Lizzy, who is recently divorced. With her divorce, her life begins anew — a sort of rebirth if you will, a type of “Renaissance.” Elizabeth begins a new job as a secretary in an art gallery or a company or something (read: Sunwell Plateau). Her boss is John, played by Mickey Rourke. John is sort of pudgy and has a strong bovine resemblance, explaining his nickname of Mickey “Moo” Rourke, or MooRou for short, and M’uru for shortest. The pieces are falling into place now aren’t they.

In no time, John seduces Elizabeth and they begin a relationship. It all started as irresistible light touches and tickling in the workplace (read: ability negative energy phase 1, unresistable). Although it is obvious that John had his dark unapproachable moments every so often (read: ability Darkness phase 1), his genial personality combined with his hordes of crazy fun friends (read: Shadowsword Berserkers and Fury mages) is just such a great combo. And boy he is so rich that he had a team of strong and professional bodyguards (read: Void Sentinels).

The relationship is really great. There is lots of dancing and music — so much so that you always want to have drums and beat on them endlessly. There is so much energy-draining fun that you really had to rest up and heal a ton. There is also always so many people around partying at once that it really isn’t feasible to have just one big party; they often had to divide everyone into smaller groups of fun, each with its own highlights and entertainment. It is just overall such a great environment for a great relationship.

Soon after, however, John grew darker and darker. He even got a tattoo of the word ENTROPIUS (all in caps) on his forehead. When they were alone, John’s previous light tickling would sometimes turn violent and hurtful, both physically and emotionally (read: ability Darkness phase 2). Elizabeth really began to be scared and fear for her safety when John would accost her with his orbs (the testicular kind) during their intimate moments (read: Singularity). In the end, Elizabeth grew tired of dodging John’s balls and ended the relationship.

Do you know the name of the movie yet? The film in which Elizabeth (Renaissance) ends her relationship (kills) with John (M’uru)? 9 1/2 weeks!!! You got it!!! I’ve never seen this movie. Is it any good?

ps Congratulations to Danny for Hawaii!!!

We’ll get right to the point. Lady Sacrolash and Grand Warlock Alythess aka the Eredar Twins of Sunwell Plateau, who are they and what is their story?

Short Version: Twin sisters join a WoW raiding guild, become disillusioned with guild’s progress, transfer servers, and apply to a Sunwell guild.

Longer Version: Sacrolash and Alythess were born twin girls to proud Mana’air Eredar WoW gamers. They quickly showed an affinity for dps and inventiveness for new combos and attacks. Sacrolash quickly ascended to the rank of rogue class leader and developed new attacks such as Shadow Blade and Shadow Clone, of which even Naruto would be proud. Alythess also became the warlock class leader in no time with her famous super duper Conflagration skillz. They were both so impressive that the guild had to make up new ranks (buddy, recruit, member, veteran, or class leader just didn’t seem to be “uber” enough) for them and they were bestowed Lady and Grand Warlock respectively. Their guild tore thru SSC, TK, MH, and BT easily.

When expansion 2.4.0 came out, Saccy and Aly were excited about Sunwell Plateau. Despite all their hard efforts, however, other rogues and warlocks in the guild just were not able to learn their special attacks. As the dps in the guild struggled on Kalecgos, the tanks and healers in the guild also began to falter, often failing the simplest of tasks (such as clicking on a portal). After weeks of wiping on Kalecgos with little progress, Saccy and Aly had had enough. They began scouring WoW forums for real Sunwell guilds looking for dps.

Saccy and Aly soon found a guild name on the server Isle of Quel’Danas that seemed to be everything they were looking for. The guild had a well equipped (dual-wielding) super-tps tank named Bratullas and strong dps members Filmyts (super aoe) and Kelagcos (super dots). The guild leader Kel’Jeadan was well spoken, knowledgeable, and leadership-ful. Saccy and Aly transferred servers, applied to the guild, and started ripping through 2.4.0 content. Then, it all came crashing down…

It all began when Kel’Jeadan had everyone install a new raid assist mod called KeyLeggor which was supposed to make 2.4.0 content even easier. The next day, when the twins tried to log on for their raid, they found their screennames hacked, passwords changed, and accounts completely unretrievable. Customer support, in fine fashion, asked them to reboot their computers and reinstall WoW.

So what really happened? Blizzard wanted the twins’ super abilities but didn’t know how to program them so they stole their account and now have 2 GMs play Saccy and Aly as the 4th boss in Sunwell Plateau. Saccy and Aly’s lawsuit against Blizzard to get their accounts back is now pending word from the WoW Supreme Court. XOXO WoW GG.

Abbreviated Version: tscfbjawrg, bdwgp, aptasg.

Binary Version: 1010001110100010111010101. 1.

Motto Version: u’re pr0 or u’re a n00b. that’s l1f3.

The faculty at the Proudmoore University of Ornithology was excited about the 2008 class of doctoral candidates. The students had demonstrated mastery of bird paleonthology early on and even excelled in obscure fields like generating computer models to predict the behavioral patterns of large flying beasts. The talents of students in the class were widely varied, with skills ranging from attracting dozens of angry bird at one time, to hacking at large chickens from behind to avoid the chickens’ parrying, to antidoting certain deadly bird epidemics to name a few.

On top of it all, the graduating class was led unofficially by a student with no legal name — whose driver’s license and student id simply said “Bird Man.” This character of a character called his classmates into a meeting one day and wanted to discuss obtaining a great gift for their professors, for whom they held the highest esteem. They brainstormed what they could do, and ultimately it was decided that they would take a long field trip into deep into Sunwell Plateau to debone a large rare bird creature called a Felmyst and present the full skeleton to the faculty.

This was no easy task, for their beboning equipment was lacking of what was required. Luckily, there were hundreds of little packs of bird creatures along the way to Felmyst where our soon to be commencement participants would spent hours and days and weeks upgrading their deboning gear. On the day they deemed themselves ready and worthy, they defeated Felmyst after many tries, since Felmyst was no spring chicken. The students packed each bone carefully, paleonthologically, and ornithologically. They presented the reconstructed skeleton to the faculty, and there was great rejoicing all around.

It took the efforts of the class outcast to ruin it call, this character nicknamed “Poop Man.” “Poop man” had not gotten to participate in his classmates’ joint venture and now spent many hours trying to undermine the gift. He found a fatal flaw in the preciousness of the specimen — that it was simply and completely just an oversized turkey — not some new rare, uncaptured bird. He announced this fact with great pleasure at commencement upon receiving his diploma, becoming the hero of class outcasts everywhere. Soon after that, however, “Poop man” now aka “Turkey Man” went mad (like the insane kind) and spent the rest of his career publishing papers purporting different species of canine and feline to be birds instead. He was mocked even by other class outcasts for the rest of his days.

Moral of the Story: Don’t be the “Poop Man” or the “Turkey Man” of your group, or you’ll invariably go taxonomically insane.

All future story ideas can be mailed to: kharmanderwontreadyouremail@gmail.com

Its infomercials had been flooding the world of warcraft (hereon referred to simply as “world”)’s television channels, with the world’s scientific community decidedly split on its efficacy. This “miracle raid aid” named [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons] was purportedly able to defeat any and all demon mobs and bosses within 6 minutes. With the experts at a standstill and the denizens of the world needing to know, Renaissance sought out to test once and for all whether this [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons] really does what its moniker says it does.

Our RL sent a tell to the level 1 gnome named iamnotascammer indicating interest in the product, and received a COD package soon after in the mail. In order to conduct the most utmost test for the product, we sought out the biggest baddest meanest smelliest ugliest fattest fattiest widest stupidest demon in the world, namely Brutallus in Sunwell Plateau. In order to limit experimental variables, we brought along a level 1 gnome we had just created and ported to the Isle of Quel’Danas, and his sole job was stand there and do nothing the entire fight for some attempts and to spam the [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons] over and over again targetting Bruttalus on other attempts. The rest of our 25 man raid consisted of 2 tanks, 7 healers, and 15 dps. (Error checking: 2 + 7 + 15 + 1 gnome = 25. These constant error checks are necessary to ensure that no gaffs are being made in the experiment, especially off by one errors.)

Experimental Procedure:
Attempt 1: don’t use [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons], record Brutallus HP at the end of 6 mins.
Attempt 2: use [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons], record Brutaalus HP at end of 6 mins.
Attempt 3: see attempt 1
Attempt 4: see attempt 2
Attempt 5: if you can’t figure it out stop reading now.

Experimental Results:
Attempt 1 (no [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons]): 6 minutes, Brutallus HP 0, damage done to Brutallus 10,507,360, Brutallus dead, test concluded.

Data Analysis: Um, nothing to compare attempt 1 to. Experiment failed pending more data after instance reset to try the fight with the [Pwnzerizer of Big Fat Demons] being spammed.

Conclusions: Having a level 1 gnome in your Sunwell Plateau raid is good luck.